My Freakin Resume

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Last week I came across an article on ThoughtCatalog.com by one Michael Solana that not only made me laugh, but also made me pause due to its truth.  Michael’s post inspired me to write my own version of his essay titled Here’s My Effing Resume.  I followed his lead in what to cover, and found the process most liberating. Thank you Michael.  

His article talks about young people making the new world, but this mid-life gal resonated with the idea behind creating a life resume.  A resume that touches on work experience, but mostly conveys who you are as a person in this world.  What makes you tick.  What makes you unique and what makes you... you.

To Whom It May Impress: Here’s my freakin resume

  • I’m a pretty darn good dancer.  All my friends tell me so, and strangers too. If you hire me, you are guaranteed one helluva holiday party.
  • I have a life goal to learn something new every year.  One year I learned to rock climb.  It scared the shit out of me. I agreed to learn because the man I was in love with at the time (we went on to have 15 great years together, thank you very much) was a rock climber.  I’m somewhat afraid of clinging to the side of a rock 50 feet off the ground, and was therefore never very good at it.  I once broke down and cried when I found myself paralyzed with fear and stuck half way up a rock wall.  I was able to find the heart to push through that fear and make it to the top.  I’ve never rock climbed again.
  • I have a quick wit and sometimes a really sick sense of humor.  I find the funny in everyday life, relationships and people in general.  There was a time in my life when I thought about being a stand-up comic.  I would work out routines and play them in my head.  Why didn’t I ever go for it? Because I was never encouraged to be that much myself.  But these days, fuck it. What you see, is what you get. The real me.  Sometimes funny and sometimes not.  Who knows, if I’d followed this calling I may have ended up a Tina Fey or Amy Poehler.
  • I’m somewhat of a nature geek and animal lover.
  • For most of my life I did what was expected of me - by my father, by society, by anyone I thought had an opinion.  Always the good girl.  Always the responsible, reliable one.  I didn’t want to go to college out of high school, but I did to please a parent and earned a degree which I’ve never used.  What a waste of time.  Yes, a waste of precious time.  Word to the young - study something you will use.  Otherwise, you’ll find yourself years later repeating the college experience (and expense) to study something else.  I graduated, got married, bought house, had a baby, blah, blah, blah.  These days I make my life what I want it to be regardless of what people think.  I follow my own rules for living and being a positive energy in the Universe.  I no longer give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks I should do.  This is my one true life and I intend to make it awesome.
  • I have been: a luggage, women’s clothing, shoes, upholstery fabric sales person, a veterinarian technician, cashier at a drug store, a horse trainer.  All this before I graduated high school.  
  • I’ve also been: a lab assistant in college taking cow manure and running it through a grinder into a fine powder so the grad students could run their research experiments (note to self - always wear a dust mask when grinding cow shit into a fine powder, less you contract some strange bovine disease). I’ve been a paper pushing temp, a tax preparer, a workers’ comp administrator, a customer service complaint resolution guru, a customer care consultant, jewelry designer, a retail store owner, construction business operations superstar, and an interior designer.  Jeez, Louise.  How old am I anyway?
  • I paint.  Because it feeds my soul and makes me a very, very happy girl.  It also keeps my sanity in check.  I don’t create art in hopes of making a living at it, but if you want to buy one of my paintings, that would send me over the moon (and help me pay my bills).
  • I am currently: a stay at home mom to one very sensitive and special needs Bullmastiff; the brains - and heart - behind Live.Life.Wonderful, LLC, a good friend to many, the best mom a son could ever ask for.  Single.
  • I plan to write a book.  Or two.
  • I sleep well at night.  I think this to be so because I go to bed each night trusting that my life is actually as it should be.  Even with all the shit in the world.  With all the scary things out there.  With a broken heart that is healing and a mind that is super charged with curiosity for what lies ahead.  And when the rare night comes when I can’t sleep, I tell myself, “Now is not the time for worry.  Now is the time for sleep.”  And if that doesn’t work, then I know it’s my damn hormones.    
  • Everyone is inherently creative. My life mission is to help others find this in themselves, and thus, live a more wonderful life.  If you think this is a bunch of bull crap, and not a worthwhile life purpose, then I can’t help you.  It was nice knowing you.

Excellent reference may be available if you say please and thank you.